Junior year suuuucks! Yep, I said that. Ask any junior this time of year, and you’ll likely have that sentiment affirmed. Most juniors are feeling stressed with schoolwork, not to mention “promposals” and prom drama. Parents are getting worked up about college, and they’re scheduling college visits for Spring Break. I can hear juniors now, “Wait, what? Spring Break means college visits, since when?” Pile on the demands of sports, jobs, planning an “important” summer experience for college resumes, starting college essays, relationships, registering for senior year classes, oh yeah, and a time change! Get the picture? You’ve got the makings of a full-blown teenage meltdown! So what’s a parent to do? How can you support your teenager and avoid the “helicopter parent” label? And as a junior, how can you maintain some sanity? Here are five quick and simple tips to help us all (did I mention I have a daughter who happens to be in her junior year):
Parents:
- Ask your teen what they need from you and then LISTEN. Seriously, zip it and give them the chance to talk. If you haven’t picked this book up yet, it isn’t too late: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber.
- Schedule downtime together. Family time is important, and even as teens naturally pull away, it should be a non-negotiable. Recognize, however, that this together time should also be time to unwind and enjoy one another. Pretty soon these moments will be memories, and your time together gets squeezed into college breaks. So hike, cook dinner, watch TV, whatever makes your teen happy, and avoid talking about any sources of stress during these precious moments.
- Only say no when you have to. This is some of the best parenting advice I’ve heard…and the hardest to follow! But really, teenagers need practice with decisions they will be making for themselves a year and a half from now. Yes, they will mess up. No, they will not always make decisions we would make. They will appreciate the trust and gain confidence with their independence.
- Feed them well and encourage sleep. Juniors notoriously embrace junk food and Starbucks as they pull late-night study sessions. Some junior girls try their first crash-diet to fit into prom dresses. “Hangry” is bad, but a “hangry” teenage girl is dangerous! Help them recognize how awful they feel from a carb or caffeine crash, and help them develop healthier habits they can take to college. Whenever possible, let them sleep. Teens are wired to stay awake later and sleep later. Yes, it is annoying, but you’ll enjoy them more if you let them sleep in a bit.
- Respect their privacy. It’s no longer cool to post their every accomplishment on social media (at least not to your teen). Consider giving them approval rights before posting. Ask them what’s okay to share and what’s off limits when talking with your family and friends about college. Some teens prefer to keep test scores and the schools they are considering confidential.
Juniors
- Get organized. You’ve got a lot going on, probably more than ever, and if you don’t make lists and schedules, you’ll probably overcommit or miss something. Maybe you’ve never had to do this before and it feels strange, but this is a habit that will serve you well in high school and beyond.
- Learn to say no. When you have schedules and lists (see first bullet point for you), you can see when you are taking on too many things. Remember to schedule time to “do nothing” if you’re guilty of taking on too much, and learn to say no when your calendar is full. Ask for help if you can’t figure out how to juggle all your responsibilities.
- Unplug and unwind. Step away from the constant social media updates and texts, set a time to turn off your phone at night, energize yourself. Now’s the time to figure out, if you haven’t already, what you love doing, what helps you escape everyday pressure while giving you the focus to get back to work. This can be exercise, a nap, listening to music, playing with a pet. It doesn’t matter what, but find something to do that helps you take a break and maintain balance in life.
- Accept the realities of junior year. Yes, it suuucks! Repeating it like a mantra doesn’t do any good. In fact, there’s little you can do to change all the pressures you’re feeling. These grades and test scores may be the last chance you have at making a great first impression on college applications. The good news is that the work you do now makes senior year that much more enjoyable. When you’re feeling particularly stressed, let someone know.
- Maintain perspective. Each day, recognize the good that happened. Some days this will feel like more of a task than others, but each day contains goodness. If you’re someone who tends to focus on what isn’t working, this habit can change your outlook. Junior year is just one year, not your entire life. Yes, it is important, but it is temporary, and it will be over before you know it.
It’s certainly difficult to focus on college, in addition to the other things going on at the end of your junior year, while not getting stressed. Not having all the answers can play games with your confidence. High school counselors, community mentors, and independent consultants can talk parents and juniors through the process and answer those questions keeping you up at night. The next year and a half should be fun and filled with excitement for the next phase of your life. Parents step back, juniors step up…when synchronized, this makes a beautiful dance.